Stupid is Forever: Via Email and Steelers Thoughts.

[The Ancient Enemy]

Well, children, here we are again, another segment of the hit BC series Stupid is Forever. In this addition we will dissect the Steelers hire, as well as throw Art Rooney under fire. But before that, we need to address something that has been festering inside Your Literary Hero like an alien that festers in Sigourney Weaver's stomach. God, that woman is hot as hell.


Too hot for BC.

Back on track, dudes, have no worries. So what has been gnawing at my brain and heart? How about this: we routinely refer to athletes and coaches as soldiers, and warriors, and, even more ridiculous... men. Bill Belichek deserves to be heralded for his football prowess, no doubt, and certainly Joe Montana is also deserving of such similar accolades. We pay athletes absurd amounts of money to be warriors on the gridiron, give them "above the law" status like they are Steven Seagal. To be a "man amongst men", to use another cliche. We pay coaches large sums of money to develop these athletes and to influence their lives on a greater scale than football, that's always a crowd pleaser too. We consistently say that the new coach will lead our "troops", our "men". Great leaders of men. That's what Nick Saban and Bill Parcells are. Right?


He is out for justice.

Not so fast, peanut gallery. Let's take a look at this. For all the celebrity status, all the cliches, all the comparisons to war, all the hope we put in our HEROES and LEGENDS, we have downright cowardice. Nick Saban, great leader of men, great man to send your kid to go play for... what did he do? He gathered all his assistants in Miami into a conference room, and called in on the phone and told them he was taking the Alabama job. This is literally hours after the constant talk from him that "I'm staying in Miami". This is after he screamed into the face of a secretary because she brought him the wrong Little Debbie Cake. Nick Saban, great warrior and leader, was man enough to CALL IN ON A SPEAKER PHONE and tell his assistants, whom he lied to for weeks, that he was taking the Alabama job. What a great man. What a great man to send your kid to play for in Alabama, or wherever else. What a great, stand-up, strong-spined man Nick Saban really is.


Hail Satan.

Bill Parcells. Shows up every day since the Romo debacle up at Valley Ranch (Cowboys headquarters), watching tape, checking everything out. Every day, folks. Multiple head coaches and coordinators are hired during this period. All evidence shows that the Tuna is coming back for one more year, at least. Waited, all that time, then what did he do? VIA EMAIL lets everyone know how deeply football has affected him, sob sob cry cry, I have no regrets from football, sob sob, its time to step down, sob sob. Nice job, Parcells. Great leader of men, Bill Parcells, whom I will say routinely brought in ex-Giants players to fire-up the COWBOYS on "tradition", was man enough to EMAIL everyone and announce his heartwarming retirement. Nice job waiting until every coach was already hired that was worth a dang. Nice job being a real tough guy, a guy who looks adversity in the face and isn't afraid to answer questions from the assistants and team members who he "led into battle" so many times. What a coward.


Hey, here's Joe Morris and Carl Banks and Lawrence Taylor to tell you all about tradition.

So in conclusion on this, as a Cowboys fan, can we please find a guy who will literally roll his sleeves up and scream at people and tell them exactly what to do? Will he put people like TO on the bench where he belongs, and play Sklyer Green (or whoever else) simply because he wants it more in the weight-room? This is the great leader of men that I would hire, would I be an owner or general manager. A guy who will sit the star running-back down in the coaches room and tell him how bad he sucks and how he's not going to be pampered anymore. I want a guy who inspires hunger and desire. I want a guy, for all NFL jobs, who is a great leader of men. A guy who lays his "butt" on the line and tells it exactly like it is, leading by example, affecting the lives and backbones of every player and coach under him. I want a guy who screams of leadership, to the point where the players are physically scared that his threats of benching them for their antics may come in the form of physical abuse. I think the Steelers feared Bill Cowher. Everyone was a little scared, even the fans, when Bill Cowher was about to scream at somebody. His strength was paternalism. I don't care if it takes 7 years to get a winning season in Dallas, and I don't care if they hire a guy from a junior high school program. Get the wheels back on in Dallas. And that goes for the other franchises, too. There is too much pampered, crybaby nonsense in this league, and it has gone all the way up from the players to the coaches to the freakin' rule book.


Great Cowboys hire: Flint.

Now for the Steelers new hire.


Looking good, Tomczak. Is that the Bryan Adams or MacGyver look?

Mike Tomlin, some sort of hybrid of Mike Tomczak and Lilly Tomlin, was named the new Steelers head coach. First black coach for the Steelers, third Steelers coach in 38th years. To say he has big shoes to fill is an understatement. Although Cowher coached with little regard for the season in 2006, the guy did take the team to multiple AFC title games, a lot of winning seasons, and a Super Bowl win. Was he Chuck Knoll? No, but he did a heck of a lot. Tomlin comes in with small credentials. He was an assistant in Tampa Bay, and a 1 year defensive coordinator with the Vikings. While in Minnesota, Tomlin's turned around one of the worst run defenses in 2005 into one of the best in 2006. The secondary, however, continued to falter, mainly though because of poor personnel. But the fact remains that Tomlin had no change in the secondary's performance for 2006, and Udeze, who by all accounts is a credible football talent, recorded a whooping zero sacks in 2006. Tomlin is known and spoken about as a reasonably fiery guy who the players respect. He prefers the 4-3 Cover 2 defense, which the Steelers do not have the personnel to run, presently. There was a lot of suspicion that the Steelers organization was going to lose long-heralded defensive coordinator Dick Lebeau (runs a 3-4 defense) if Tomlin was named the head coach. Tomlin's first order of business was to retain Lebeau, which appeased many naysayers. However... the fact remains that the Pittsburgh Steelers do not have the personnel to run that Cover 2 defense. Casey Hampton is pretty much the standard for strong nose-tackles in the league. How will he adjust to the new role? The linebacking corps can adjust, maybe. What fans don't all generally understand is the complexity between defenses like the 3-4 and 4-3 at the professional level. Players are drafted and acquired through free agency to fill roles in team schemes. The Steelers are possibly looking at 2-3 years of drafts and free agent acquisitions before the 4-3 takes strong shape. But remember, they may stick to a 3-4, so this is all hypothetical at this point. Point is, coaches generally bring schemes with them. They don't generally accept the former standards.


All the Steeler fans celebrate the new hire. Especially Hank Jr. and Usher.

Tomlin's interviews were good, and from what the fans saw of his press conference, its hard to say the guy ppears to be unorganized and unintelligent. But many people did question this hire. Why did Art Rooney decide to hire a young, black defensive-coordinator who has little experience? Isn't this a huge risk? Especially when Ken Wisenhunt, offensive coordinator, and Rus Grimm, line coach, were top candidates? What's the deal, here? Well, I'll spill the beans for those who haven't had the perception yet to see through the smoke and mirrors. A few years ago, Art Rooney led the charge for a call for the NFL to open up more spots for minority coaches. At this point, Bill Cowher was looking like he'd be in Pittsburgh for eternity. Now, all of sudden, Cowher retires. Where does this put Art Rooney and the Pittsburgh Sttelers? Right up against the wall. They dragged it out and Wisenhunt took the Arizona head coaching job. People everywhere were scratching their heads over the apparent gaff by the Steelers. That's one top candidate gone. Grimm got more interviews, nothing came of it. Questions popped up everywhere that something is wrong with Russ Grimm and that's why he was not hired. All of sudden its down to Mike Tomlin, an African-American, and Ron Rivera, Bears defensive coordinator, who is of the Hispanic ethnicity. So, if you're Art Rooney, how bad does it look if you lead the charge for minority coaches.... and then hire a white guy? So Pittsburgh either jumped on Tomlin, or waited for Rivera's season to end with Chicago, and then prayed he took the job. They chose Tomlin.

Now, the jury is obviously out as to whether or not Tomlin can succeed as the head coach. My worry is that the Steelers organization, for all their draft prowess and decision prowess, were backed against an unseen wall and were forced to hire a minority coach that they may not have had at the top of their list of potential head coaches. My worry is that if this is the case, and Tomlin does fail as a coach, how long until the Steelers pull the plug on him? I fear that this was a hire they did not necessarily want to make, and will not give Tomlin the time to succeed before they give him the heave-ho out of Pittsburgh. But on the other hand, Mike Tomlin seems to me to be a hungry guy who will seize this opportunity and give it 100% effort. This could be a great hire, or a really bad one, based on his limited experience and the fact that he was indeed about the 4th candidate on the wish-list. So we will see what happens. I just hope that the Rooneys do indeed intend to give Mike Tomlin the chance that Art Rooney himself was so adament of extending to minority candidates.