Alright I Have Made My Decision

[The Ancient Enemy]

Back in business.

After careful thought over all of this, I have finally made my decision. Being mid-twenties, it is time for me to take the step up from my status as an official bleacher coach. Although my tenure here was one of the best times of my life, I am ready to move on, and I feel I am leaving the board with a lot of members whom I have inspired to do great things in life. I thank you all for your time, and love.


Rocket Ismail: "Please give me a job."

With Meyer taking the Florida job, that left the Irish with their jaws on the floor. Other rumored coaches were Jon Gruden, Bob Stoops, Charlie Weiss, Butch Davis, Dave Campo, Bobby Petrino, and Dan Hawkins. Although I am the 8th man on that list, I have decided to take the head coaching job at Notre Dame. I know, I know, you're shocked. Well, after applying for the position, the Irish must have seen something they liked.


Included in my contract are these awesome sweatpants

I have decided to let the current staff go, and hire my own assistants. I need quality men for these jobs because I play video games all day and eat, and I do not want to say that I may or may not know what I'm doing as a coach but I will say that I have no idea what I'm doing. As offensive coordinator my selection is DeBiceps, a man who has proven himself both on the football field, and in the pressbox of life. As defensive coordinator I am offering the position to gators_own_you, who may or may not have a creepily intimate attraction to UF player Channing Crowder.


The New Four-Horsemen: Me, DeBiceps, gators_own_you, and DeBiceps.

As far as recruiting, our visits with players will be simply hanging out with them and eating wings, playing video games, and talking **** on other football teams. As for the rest of my staff, it is open to anyone who wants to apply. To qualify for any of these jobs, you have to have some kind of specialization in the field. Such as, for Special Teams Coach, you need a very "special" talent, like dismantling a handgun and putting it back together in 15 seconds. Here are the openings:

- Any specialized position coach
- Special Teams
- Team Trainer
- Recruiting Experts


News of my hiring hits the team. Even famed third-team kicker Tiny O'Malley (35) got in on the excitement.

I am extending an invite to longtime friend and hero Hollywood, who will finally get the credit he deserves. He will fill the role of talking-up our program on this message board while I am in the other room eating.


Ron Powlus had this to say: "The Ancient Enemy is the greatest sports mind in the world."

Thank you for all your support, and I hope to see you all in South Bend.

Go Irish!

[CRLionDawg]

Good luck.

I hope NBC doesnt finally decide to cut the tv deal as a result of your decision.

[CTtrackster]

Wow..impressive. That must have taken a long time to make that. Quite good.