BleacherCoaches.com

And it all comes down to this, folks. After a grueling regular season, I am ahead by one game. Expect this one to come right down to the wire.. TAE, I'd like to personally thank you for yet another year of excellent competition, and it pains me to say you have about 3 weeks to round up 30 bucks to satisfy my hunger for a food that will provide me with a few extra inches and crippling heart burn. It's been something like 14 weeks in the making, so lets get to it..

Tuesday, December 14
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New Orleans Bowl: Southern Miss vs. North Texas
- Here we go again, UNT goes 0 for their non conference schedule and procedes to go undefeated against Sun Belt teams. SOMissle is armed and ready.. Simply put, the Eagles/Mean Green are toast.

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Tuesday, December 21
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Champs Sports Bowl: Syracuse at Georgia Tech
- I would seriously be so reluctant to play in a bowl named after a shoe store.. Obviously, these 2 multi-loss teams are pant soaked with urine over a few extra bucks, so they excepted. The Diamond Stud is looking to deliver torment and agony, but one thing is for certain.. NEVER take a Big East team over an ACC team. GT

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Wednesday, December 22
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GMAC Bowl: Bowling Green at Memphis
-2 pretty explosive offenses.. and BG will be without their stunning all oranges.. It matters not, as their helmets will be way to pretty for ByWAYo's boys.. BG

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Thursday, December 23
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Fort Worth Bowl: Marshall at Cincinnati
- Okay, here's the part where i do the.. "The star of our show.. his name is.." and leave it at that. WELLLL NOT TODAY, JUNIOR! Gino Garbage-docky is playing in his 489th and final game in a Bearcats uniform, and will be dropping bombs all over the Marshall D. Yes, that's what i'd say if i was a TOTAL IDIOT. Gino should be ok, but what if he isnt? The Bearcats were fine without him, losing 70-7 in their regular season finale against Louisville. Now, back to wear i left off.. "MARSHALL!"

Las Vegas Bowl: Wyoming at UCLA
- Lets break this down.. We got Wow Ming vs. a team who got somethin reallly nasty BRUIN up for their opposition.. UCLA looked very impressive against USC, and should rack up the W here

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Friday, December 24
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Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii at UAB
-The man, the myth, the legend: Mr Timmy Chang will be playing his last game in front of a home crowd on Christmas eve. This is the last Chang game i'll ever pick.. And Not even a 400 lb destruction hungry QB could hold him down. Gimme the Warriors.

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Monday, December 27
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MPC Computers Bowl: #18 Virginia at Fresno State
- Both had dissapointing seasons, so my gut says take the team that ISNT fresno state. UVA

Motor City Bowl: Toledo at Connecticut
-UCONN's last game was a treat to watch, and Toledo pulled out remarkable comebacks in their last 2 games.. Its gonna be close, but i'm going with (wizard of oz style) TOE-LEE-DOE.. YOOOOO OHH!

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Tuesday, December 28
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Independence Bowl: Miami (OHIO) at Iowa State
- "We're sorry".. That was the statement released by ISU Chancellor Desmond "The Mistake" Wisterson after the Cyclones received a bowl bid. Given ISU's melt down at the end of the season with the Big 12 north in their grasp, and the fact that they are indeed Iowa State, I have no choice but to say MoHo by 40

Insight Bowl: Notre Dame at Oregon State
-Notre Dame.. Now that's a team that really has their s*** together.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OSU by 6 scores

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Wednesday, December 29
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Houston Bowl: Colorado at UTEP
-HMMM.. Well, being the fountain of information that I am, my sources told me CU's game plan in this one is "Dont FORCE anything".. now we know a Colorado football team is incapable of that.. Also, expect several Buffalo players to commit fouls against the minors.. Excuse me, Miners. UTEP

Alamo Bowl: Oklahoma State at #22 Ohio State
- Ohio State

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Thursday, December 30
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Continental Tire Bowl: Boston College at North Carolina
- Boston College proved all the doubters wrong when they beat Syracuse to cap off a dream season and win the Big East title in their last season in the conference.. Wait a minute, that didnt happen, because BC is the most inconsistant team in America. I dont know how much faith I have in UNC, but there's a chance they might be in all blue.. Yeah, North Carolina on the merit that they have some of the nicest helmets in the nation

Emerald Bowl: New Mexico at Navy
-Wow.. Can i pass on this one? I didnt know Crap was spelled "Emerald" .. anyway, Navy.. i guess

Holiday Bowl: #21 Texas Tech at #4 California
-I've been thinking about this one for some time now.. Cal has been impressive, but who have they really beat? They just squeaked by SoMissle, and lost to the best team on their schedule.. Its Sunny Cumbie's last game as a Red Raider.. YES! TEXAS TECH

Silicon Valley Classic: Troy at Northern Illinois
-I've been waiting weeks to say this.. SCUUUR-UP! Goin break em down.. NO ILLY! Goin change that game around.. No Illy by a 20 peice

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Friday, December 31
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Music City Bowl: Alabama at Minnesota
-To quote TAE, Bama is the best 6-5 team in the country. Minneha ha on the other hand followed suit and started out real impressive, and tail spun real quick. Tide

Sun Bowl: #24 Arizona State at Purdue
- I'm not even gonna comment on this game because TAE is gonna destroy Andrew Walter and Kyle Orton in his prediction.. Give em hell, brother. Purdue

Liberty Bowl: #10 Boise State at #8 Louisville
-This one has a chance of being the most entertaining game of the entire bowl season, with both teams scoring over 50 in something like their last 5 games. The difference here is, Louisville has enough talent to stop Boise State, and the Blue's defense doesnt have enough to stop the Cardinal offense, who might score every time they have the ball. Louisville by 2 tds

Peach Bowl: #14 Miami at #19 Florida
- With Stumbles McZook gone, one might think the Gators have a chance.. Then you look at who their opposition is, smile to yourself, grab a plate of something tasty, and watch the U demolish the Gators. Be Prepared, Saksa. Miami by 74

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Saturday, January 1
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Outback Bowl: #7 Georgia at #16 Wisconsin
- I think out of all of them, the Outback bowl is my least favorite. I dont know if its because it comes on in the darkened, cold January morning or what, but it just puts me in a bad mood. Both teams dropped the ball this season, but there aint no way i'm picking Cheese Wis U. Dog Bones a flyin' on new years day

Cotton Bowl: #17 Tennessee at #25 Texas A&M
- TenAKey did a fantastic job in the SEC title game in turning what could have been a blowout into a nailbiter, and probably cost Auburn a shot at the Orange Bowl in the process. I'm still not sold on them, so give me A&M.

Gator Bowl: #15 Florida State at #23 West Virginia
- Chris Rix proved to the country once again he's on the brink of being a huge star.. The only problem is this is the FOURTH STRAIGHT SEASON he's done that. Sexton might play, but it doesnt matter. No Wayyyyyyyyyyy Mountaineeeeeeeeers! FSU

Capital One Bowl: #11 LSU at #13 Iowa
- Iowa shared the Big 10 championship, and LSU went a very quiet 9-2. The SEC prevails. Bayou Bengals by 13

Rose Bowl: #12 Michigan at #5 Texas
-Well, Michigan sure did a fantastic job against Ohio State a few weeks ago. That being said, Texas really has been playing good, and has a chance to cap off an 11 win season. Call it an NFL audition for Cedric Benson. Texas

Fiesta Bowl: #20 Pittsburgh at #6 Utah
- This game is an embarrasment to the BCS if there ever was one. The Utes got in because they went undefeated in a mid major conference. Pitt is here because they only lost 2 games in a BCS conference with the strength of TWO LHAC's.. Alex Smith and Tyler Palko will trade blows, but it's gonna be the Utes on top when the buzzer sounds. Urban Meyer by 6

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Monday, January 3
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Sugar Bowl #9 Virginia Tech at #3 Auburn
- This game is either going to be fantastic or really boring. The way these two teams play will not allow a "good" game, its going to be one extreme or the other. Virginia Tech might very well be playing the best football in the country right now.. No one has been able to stop the 2 pronged running attack of Auburn, but if anyone can, its VT, who did a phenominal job stopping Frank Gore and Tyrone Moss in their game against the U. Call it an upset if you want.. Virginia Tech by 10

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Tuesday, January 4
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Orange Bowl: #1 USC at #2 Oklahoma
-Its Talent vs. Hype in this year's national championship game. The meal has been selected: Jo Jo's Pizza with a side of Fox's Mild wings with a cube of Diet Cherry Coke to be split between myself and the enemy. The BCS title games never seem to live up to the hype, and the trend continues as Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and the rest of the Trojan's blood thirsty squad slash through OU's very forgiving secondary in route to a 28 point victory

Cue 'War' from the Rocky IV soundtrack.

Here it is, folks.

TAE (515-223)
DB (516-222)

FIRE


BREATHING


DRAGON!!!!


Welcome to the wide world of pain and destruction. I just wrote this poem about the bowl picks, with a little help from Kerry King and the boys from SLAYER.

I am the new hell on earth
The lord of agony divine
Domination, intimidation
Lives within these eyes
Reign of power
Remorseless anarchy
I am arrogance in the flesh
Unleashed intensity

Step aside for the nightmare
Pure destruction stands before you
No escape as the psycho
Brings you misery
The line starts here

I am brutality the face of everlasting pain
Annihilation, Obliteration
Pulses in these veins
Sheer defiance drives my hostility
I am merciless to the core
Chaotic fury breeds

Step aside for the nightmare
Pure destruction stands before you
No escape as the psycho
Brings you misery
The line starts here

Bring it all on
Come and take on what you fear
I'm the storm
That towers overhead
Ticking time bomb
With an infinite charge
Bringer of torture
The master is here
Everyone falls

Here comes the pain
You're no different from the rest
Victim is your name in my vicious wasteland
Here comes the pain
Your destruction manifests
Lying there broken looking up as I still stand

Bring it all on
Come and take on what you fear
I'm the storm
That towers overhead
Ticking time bomb
With an infinite charge
Bringer of torture
The master is here
Everyone falls

I think that pretty well sums it up.

Tuesday, December 14
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New Orleans Bowl: Southern Miss vs. North Texas
- Hey, think UNT is on the verge of a national championship? Move to Denton, Texas cause you'll fit right in. I told at least 15 different people in my classes and in the library and whatnot that UNT would not only get beaten by The Southern Missile, but they'd get POUNDED. Daddy was right. And he doesn't even get to gloat, because finals are basically over and I have no more classes. No problem, however, as I know for a fact that those kids hate my guts even more now because I speakz da truf. Hey, I want my school to win games. I root for them. But I know what happens when a team rides Idaho and Arkansas State into a bowl game. "Seven game winning streak" they all said. Yep. And I replied, "They played Middle Tennessee State's and Louisiana Monroe's." "Jamario Thomas is the best player in the country." "He did an excellent job against someone who was not Lafayette." Nice job, guys. And the best part of another abysmal, conference title season, is the fact that you got annihalated by Baylor. And Texas beat you by 600 points. And Southern Mississippi should have won by 50 last night. North Texas is absolutely the reason why the Sun Belt gets no respect. Their success is completely counterproductive for that conference. I even told UNT fans, "it's okay to root for your team, but if you have the best interests of the SBC at heart, next season you should secretly root for FAU and Troy State." They don't want to hear it, I'm a scumbag for being onjective, and they are the the High Council of Fantasyland.

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Tuesday, December 21
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Champs Sports Bowl: Syracuse at Georgia Tech
- The winner of this game will get a $25 gift certificate to a Champs Sports of their choosing. They will have to all agree on an item and take turns wearing it whenever they want to. Syracuse is one of the biggest jokes in college football. And to top it off, Paul Pasqualoni keeps getting contract extensions. Nice! Not only should Akron be playing ahead of Syracuse, Syracuse should be a I-AA school. They sure as heck play like it. Georgia Tech will win, but unfortunately will not be by enough points to make me happy.

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Wednesday, December 22
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GMAC Bowl: Bowling Green at Memphis
- Memphazzimo, DeBiceps. Bowling Green was exposed and degraded by Toledo. Memphis is a much better team that Toledo, and they'll make a mockery out of Omar Jacobs and his little stats. They'll be rappin' in the dirty souf after this one, and Graceland will be on fire. Hey, play like Graceland is on fire!!! Lettttssssss gooooooooooooo Memphizzzzzzzz!!!!

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Thursday, December 23
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Fort Worth Bowl: Marshall at Cincinnati
- I'm going this route: if Gino plays, I am taking Cincinnati. If he doesn't, I want Marshall. Him playing changes the entire course of this game. Ya know what? I hate that kids guts. I want Marshall either way.

Las Vegas Bowl: Wyoming at UCLA
- This is what I think of the Wyoming Cowboys

Go UCLA.

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Friday, December 24
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Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii at UAB
- Cha-Chang, The Chisel, Big Chazzle, Timmay, the Mayor of Changodelphia, those are all names for everyone's favorite Japanese-Hawaiian quarterback. And this is the final confrontation for Timothy (yes he is a man now and no longer a boy) Chang and the Hawaii Rainbows. Grief enters into my heart and eyes as I type away at the final battle. The 2004 Awesome Elephant will not let me down, he is a legend of Japanese-Hawaiian history, and has given me 4 years of smiling splendor. I shall miss thee, Chang. For you are a true playa.

The code of the samurai will be witnessed in The Final Countdown.

To show support and tribute to The Last Samurai, I have hired the band Europe to perform their hit, "The Final Countdown". To really experience this, I suggest you download the song immediately, for it's keyboarded genius is truly a piece of artistic brilliance.

We're leaving together...
But still it's farewell.
And maybe we'll come back
To earth, who can tell?


I guess there is no one to blame
We're leaving ground (leaving ground)
Will things ever be the same again?


It's the final countdown...
The final countdown
Ooh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


We're heading for Venus (Venus)
And still we stand tall
Cause maybe they've seen us
And welcome us all (yeah)
With so many light years to go
And things to be found (to be found)
I'm sure that we'll all miss him so


It's the final countdown...
The final countdown
The final countdown (the final countdown)
Ooh ooh oh


The final countdown
Ooh oh
I'ts the final countdown
The final countdown
The final countdown (the final countdown)
Ooh
It's the final countdown
We are leaving together
The final countdown

One more battle. For Hawaii, and for all the dead homies.

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Monday, December 27
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MPC Computers Bowl: #18 Virginia at Fresno State
- Pat Hill's comments ONCE AGAIN jinxed his team. UVA by 30.

Motor City Bowl: Toledo at Connecticut
- Scooter McDougal and Bruce Gradkowski are totally ready for the second half of the Motor City Bowl. Toledo 45, UCONN 38.

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Tuesday, December 28
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Independence Bowl: Miami (OHIO) at Iowa State

MLTHUG6: so good a brotha got shanked

MoHo by eleventeen.

Insight Bowl: Notre Dame at Oregon State
- Who do you know that is a credible human being that can pick Notre Dame and be dead serious? Oregon State. Please try to realize how much it pains me to have to pick a Pac-10 team.

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Wednesday, December 29
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Houston Bowl: Colorado at UTEP
- Apparently, the Colorado student section will not be allowed at this game. I guess the Houston Bowl saw what the students were chanting all year. When asked about their chant, a student said, "I don't see what the big debate is about. We're just showing our school pride, and showing our tradition. All we do is chant 'RAPE U., RAPE U., RAPE U., RAPE U.' I mean, all we're doing is cheering for our team." Somethin' will be a little TEPPid in Houston.

Alamo Bowl: Oklahoma State at #22 Ohio State

Two life-long Buckeye faithfuls, Trevor and little brother Andy 'Lil Geiger' Geigerson can't wait for the Alamo Bowl. "Ted Ginn Jr. is my favorite player, go Buckeyes!" exclaimed Andy. Trevor said, "My teacher gave us a little lesson about the Alamo. A bunch of ****in' punks tried to resist the invincible, highly trained Mexican army. Ya know what happened at the Alamo? A mutha****in' slaughter, that's what I heard. Maybe Vernand Morrency can cuddle up beside Davy ****in' Crockett while we burn all your bodies, you cowards." Andy then added, "Yeah! **** you, Oklahoma State!"

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Thursday, December 30
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Continental Tire Bowl: Boston College at North Carolina
- Ya know, it's a sad day when you have to pick North Carolina in a bowl game.

Emerald Bowl: New Mexico at Navy
- The only good thing about this will be the commercials. Emerald Nuts have the best commericals on television. Which no one will see, because, let's be honest here... would you watch this? Even if it was the only game on TV? I might get so bored during this game that I ride the exercise bike, and that's really saying something. Navy.

Holiday Bowl: #21 Texas Tech at #4 California
- I will be rooting for the Red Raiders, but 5 dozen wing a lings are on the line here. I gotta take Cal.

Silicon Valley Classic: Troy at Northern Illinois
- Interesting story: I have been fighting with Sun Belt fans because, well, they're Sun Belt fans. They got all excited when Troy got asked to be in this bowl game. They said the SBC was movin' up in the world. I asked them, where will your "movin' up" status go next season when Clemson and South Carolina are eligible, and Utah isn't in a BCS game? They didn't want to hear it. I'm tellin' you, these people live on a different planet. I tried to explain to them that this bowl selection is self-gratifying, and that no new bowls told the SBC they wanted them for a guaranteed slot. They don't wanna hear it. No. Illy will pound Troy into oblivion. And next year, it'll be Akron, not some joker from the Sun Belt.

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Friday, December 31
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Music City Bowl: Alabama at Minnesota
- Remember that Disney cartoon 'Tailspin'? Well, the characters were Glen Mason, Marion Barber, Lawrence Maroney, and Bryan Cupito. That show got cancelled because it started out okay in the first few seasons and then fell apart. I don't know if any of that is true, but it makes my paragraph more interesting. Also, pay special attention to Mike Shula on the sidelines. This guy drops more F-bombs than George Carlin. Alabama by 16.

Sun Bowl: #24 Arizona State at Purdue
- Andrew Walter is not playing in this game, and it is not because he is injured or sick, like some are reporting. It is because that giraffe-necked, no good, loser of a human being is back in Africa chewing the leaves on a tree someplace and costing me money and wings and pride in the process. I hate your guts, you eternal loser. Kyle Orton is the most overrated quarterback this side of Todd Blackledge. 5 yard passes to guys like Standeford and Stubblefield, who in turn run all over the place, do not make the passer a good quarterback. Kyle Orton is a joke, I said it all year, they had pre-game specials talking about how great he was, and then he completely fell flat on his face and I loved every second of it. God loves me and hates you, Kyle Orton, and I laugh in your face about it. Too bad Purdue will win this game, it's really a travesty that someone HAS to win.

Liberty Bowl: #10 Boise State at #8 Louisville
- This will not be one of the most exciting games, this will be a completely blowout. Louisville will demolish Boise State.

Peach Bowl: #14 Miami at #19 Florida
- I cannot believe Fiason is going pro. Here's a swipt kick in the pants while you're on your way out the door, pal. Miami by 30.

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Saturday, January 1
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Outback Bowl: #7 Georgia at #16 Wisconsin
- Georgia might actually win a game. Dawgs by 1.

Cotton Bowl: #17 Tennessee at #25 Texas A&M
- I have no faith in Phillip Fulmer, and never will. A&M is getting better. Gotta take the Ags in a relatively interesting game, I guess.

Gator Bowl: #15 Florida State at #23 West Virginia
- Is this the national championship? What happened? This game can best be described by a Fred Willard catch-phrase in the movie "A Mighty Wind":

WHAAAAA HAPPPEN???
NATIONAL CHAMPS, GUYS!!! LETSSSSSS GOOOOOOOOOO MOUNTAINNEEEERRRRRSS!!

Florida State by 25.

Capital One Bowl: #11 LSU at #13 Iowa
- I really do not like Nick Saban, he is shady and very untrustworthy and I think he's the most overrated coach of my lifetime. Please go to the Dolphins so you can get exposed as a fraud. Nick Saban will be such a flop in Miami that he'll actually be ARRESTED for fraud. I don't care much for the Hawkeyes, but give me Iowa.

Rose Bowl: #12 Michigan at #5 Texas
- As well as Texas is playing, they might beat Michigan by 70. But I'll take them by 65.

Fiesta Bowl: #20 Pittsburgh at #6 Utah
- I was seriously considering taking Pitt in this game, and it might be a big-time upset. I really don't think Utah has played anyone as well as Pitt yet, and everyone is unjustly ripping on the Panthers right now. Hey, it's not the same team as the Nebraska and UCONN games, folks. Even with that, though, I will play it same and take Utah by a few points. This will be a lot closer than people think.

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Monday, January 3
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Sugar Bowl #9 Virginia Tech at #3 Auburn
- Tech is playing fantastic ball right now, possibly the best ball in the country. I gotta win the wings, though, and I'll take Auburn in a game I consider them to be the underdog.

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Tuesday, January 4
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Orange Bowl: #1 USC at #2 Oklahoma
- This is the message Reggie Bush sent to OU staff, talking about the defense:


DIE SLOWLY, JASON WHITE. OU WILL NOW FINALLY BE EXPOSED LIKE A VAMPIRE IN THE MUTHA****IN' SUNLIGHT.