BleacherCoaches.com

"ZOMBIE... STRRRONG!!!!"

Welcome to what may become a daily column for Your Literary hero, since there is so much stupidity right now in college sports. With so much stupidity, the column must be dedicated to the God-level quote given to us by John Chaney, when he said into a microphone at a Temple game: "STUPID IS FOREVER!!!!!!!"

SPECIAL NOTE: If any names are spelled incorrectly, it is not because I am too lazy to look up the proper spelling. I really do not care enough about these people to even look up how to spell their names. If it was someone from the Cowboys or the Nittany Lions, I'd give a rat's @$$. Otherwise, you know who I mean.


Greg Oden and his great-grandson

Where do we even start? How about sports writers and their assessment of Greg Oden versus Tyler Hansborough? Not only is Ohio State going to win the national title in football, they will add one in basketball as well. Kleenex stocks are about to shoot through the roof once all the Big East fans realize that the Big Ten are national champs in both major sports. Not only did Ohio State go into what is maybe the toughest place to play, and almost beat the host team, they did it without Greg Oden. Greg Oden looks like he is 40 years old and destroys people. He could probably dominate the NBA right now. I love how writers are trying to act like him and Hansborough is a good match-up. If North Carolina plays Ohio State again, and both of those guys are healthy and participate, Tyler Hansborough will be lucky if he scores 6 points and gets 1 rebound.

Let's move on to football, which has proven itself to be the dumbest thing on earth. How about these coaching vacancies and fills and rumors?

Let's start at the top.


I'm sure this is a hell of a conversation. Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum laugh it up at midfield.

ALABAMA: Fires Mike Shula, 25th coach in 4 years. Is Mike Shula that bad of a coach? Here's a better question: is Rich Rodriquez any better? Look at the position Shula was in. 5th guy on the list for that hiring when he was offered it. How many big games has Rich Rodriquez won? He's lucky Georgia didn't win that BCS game last season. His recruiting is lackluster at best, he has no idea how to make game adjustments, and his philosophies are just strange. I was sucked into the WPIAL title games last weekend. Heard an announcer say that a lot of HS teams are taking the WVU defensive approach. He said it as though WVU's defense is very, very good. We've seen where Rodriquez's defenses have gotten WVU. This guy is going to go 6-6 in the SEC, at best, because he is not a smart enough coach to know how to win games w/ his brain. Poor Alabama. The real change should be in the AD office, not on the sideline.


According to the Internet, here's Cincinnati's new head coach. Who says the Big East is in trouble?

CINCINNATI: Loses Mark D'Antonio, hires Brian Kelly from Central Michigan? Has Brian Kelly really earned a shot to coach in a BCS conference? Central Michigan won the MAC because they were the best of a bad lot. The MAC was terrible this season. The only reason why Cincinnati is even in the news is because D'Antonio took the Michigan State job. And because they pulled an upset over a very overrated team. I really think hiring Kelly, and him accepting it, is a lateral move for both parties.


Put a pair of glasses on this bonehead and who does she look like? I think her and her twin brother Joe pretty much share the same brain.

MIAMI: You really think Mike Leach is the guy who is going to change the mentality in Coral Gables? Think about that for a second. Randy Shannon's name has popped up as well. He should get the job. It makes too much sense for that moronic Miami administration, led by Queen Knucklehead Donna Shalala, to actually make the right hire. More woes for Canes fans abound, because I have not heard one NFL name pop up in discussions for that job.


I'm sure Dorsett had something to do with this.

STANFORD: 2 and out for Walt Harris? Congratulations to Stanford, for realizing after 2 short seasons what all the rest of us already knew: Walt Harris is not that great of a coach. I am actually surprised by this firing already, and I'm not sure if anything outside the win / loss column attributed to this decision. I thought they'd give him 5 seasons. Is the recruiting that bad, as well? He didn't exactly inherit the best team in the nation. So to fill his shoes they turn to Jim Harbaugh as a possible candidate? Harbaugh has been doing pretty well with some junior college team in California. There's a lot of room for growth in the Pac-10, since the conference has 1 good team and 9 terrible ones every year, so give Stanford some credit for realizing that.


Here's Rich Rodriquez blowing a whistle during a game so the other team stops playing and his idiot defense can actually make a tackle.

WEST VIRGINIA: If they lose Rodriquez, who does the WVU administration turn to? Does West Virginia have enough clout (or money) to attract a decent coach? This will be interesting to watch. I'm sure Chris Henry will get thrown out of the league pretty soon, maybe him and Amos Zeroue can be co-coaches. Can't be any worse than Rodriquez was / is.



Until tomorrow, keep it real, cuz.

I'm not sure if you have too much time on your hands or if this is just the work of a warped mind.....

could someone help me with that one (no Hollywood, I know what you think about it...HA)

Both.

Speaking of coaching, I heard recently that Penn State officials hope Paterno croaks before his contract runs out at the end of the 2008 season. Now I know that sounds morbid, but these officials know what kind of fight they are in for if Paterno is living when they pick his successor. If Paterno IS living, you're looking at Jay Paterno as the next coach, thanks to JoePa and his influence. If Paterno is pushing up daisies, PSU officials can pick who they want WITHOUT the influence of JoePa. Maybe somebody can slip something into his Milano Bread. For the sake of the program, that is.

Top money donors to Penn State have already made it known that if Jay gets that job they are done donating money.

That's what i mean. Paterno must NOT be living when his contract runs out, or anarchy.

He'll be out in 2.

Patience is a virtue, right?

He will have a good team next as long as they start Devlin over Morelli but only time will tell. Although before the Michigan State game Galen Hall said he expects a very fierce battle.