The Rankings are Becoming Complete.
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The Ancient Enemy
- Official BleacherCoach
- Posts: 7549
- Joined: October 30th, 2004, 2:47 pm
The Rankings are Becoming Complete.
As we enter into the final stretch, where teams have 1-2 games remaining, many will not be making the final cut for bowl games. This is unfortunate for the seniors who theoretically give it their all week in and week out. With 60 out of 119 teams making it to bowl games, it does not take a lot of effort to become bowl eligible, especially when most teams play 2-3 cupcakes every season. Let's rank the bottom of the barrel, to see who really, really, really sucks.
Shown Above: UNT QB Daniel Meager, who MAY have successfully thrown a pass in bounds at some point today.
1. North Texas Offense
- Having the worst quarterback in I-A football is never going to help you win games, even in the Fun Belt, where most teams are not better than AAAAA Texas high school teams. UNT has back to back national rushing champions in their backfield and still cannot move the ball, largely because they don't even let Thomas carry it. That is a testament to the exceptionally incompetent playcalling, offensive line play that borders on mental retardation, and head coaching that is very content with 70-0 losses as long as the team tries their best. Even with a very terrible team, and season, UNT still had a chance to win their "conference" if you can even call it that, since it is nothing more than pick-up teams who may o may not even be real colleges. Daniel Meager is so horrible behind center that my friend Jim Grosik put up better numbers than Meager in my backyard when we were 13 years old, and he did it against BETTER COMPETITON. Nice job, Dickey. You pulled another rabbit out of your hat today when you lost to a Florida Atlantic team that lost 29 lettermen and returned 8 starters.
When you watch the tape, bad things happen.
2. Syracuse Offense
- Many people believe that the basis for the movie 'The Ring' came from the Japanese movie 'Ringu', but I can prove this to be very false. In the movie, there is a videotape that if you watch, you will die within seven days. This is wrong for a few reasons. First of all, the tape kills you within 5 minutes, and it was not some whacky tape where a girl with long hair climbs out of a well and crawls through the TV set. If I showed you a videotape of Syracuse on offense, you would immediately die of laughter. I assure you, Syracuse is not playing teams like Lycoming. No, they ARE still 1-A, and they ARE still in the Big East. Most people in sports either slim down or add muscle in the offseason. Syracuse quarterback Perry Patterson gained about 60 pounds while on a Snickers and Pepsi diet. Nice job. And nice job to Greg Robinson, who immediately turned the Cuse around. He turned them from a 6 win team to a 1 win team. Good job, man!
The Cuse defense takes a breather on the sidelines against whoever beat them this week.
3. Syracuse Defense
- If someone told me this was the same defense that produced Dwight Freeney, I'd kick them in the crotch and run away crying.
Not good, buddy.
4. North Texas Defense
- The UNT defense has more holes in it than Uday Hussein's dead body. I guarantee you my 60 year old Uncle Ron would dominate the UNT defensive line and run for 400 yards and 6 TD's. His wife Jenny would throw for 11 TD's on this defense. This defense couldn't stop Louisiana Monroe next week if they made Steven Jyles play with his arms handcuffed behind his back. Three words that describe the UNT defense are woeful, teary-eyed, and WOEFUL.
Be afraid,
5. Kent State
- When universities are created, they adopt a mascot that is a reflection of how they want the university athletic teams to play, or the mascot reflects something from the history of the area where the school is located. Kent State, instead of adopting a mascot like the "Bears" or the "Wolves", adopted a hummingbird. Hummingbirds are notorious for flapping their wings real fast and for being little and dumb. So, when you set yourself up as a hummingbird, a loss to a team like Buffalo, who may or may not have ever won a game, does not really make many people's heads turn. Things are sometimes inevitable. Nice job.
A close "Dishonorable Mention" to this list is Tulane. Here's my official Tulane end-of-season report:
TULANE: F+
- A category 5 hurricane destroyed their city, destroyed their campus, killed their families, ruined their lives forever, and still the only thing that can stop Tulane is every defense in the world.
Great job, teams!!!
Shown Above: UNT QB Daniel Meager, who MAY have successfully thrown a pass in bounds at some point today.
1. North Texas Offense
- Having the worst quarterback in I-A football is never going to help you win games, even in the Fun Belt, where most teams are not better than AAAAA Texas high school teams. UNT has back to back national rushing champions in their backfield and still cannot move the ball, largely because they don't even let Thomas carry it. That is a testament to the exceptionally incompetent playcalling, offensive line play that borders on mental retardation, and head coaching that is very content with 70-0 losses as long as the team tries their best. Even with a very terrible team, and season, UNT still had a chance to win their "conference" if you can even call it that, since it is nothing more than pick-up teams who may o may not even be real colleges. Daniel Meager is so horrible behind center that my friend Jim Grosik put up better numbers than Meager in my backyard when we were 13 years old, and he did it against BETTER COMPETITON. Nice job, Dickey. You pulled another rabbit out of your hat today when you lost to a Florida Atlantic team that lost 29 lettermen and returned 8 starters.
When you watch the tape, bad things happen.
2. Syracuse Offense
- Many people believe that the basis for the movie 'The Ring' came from the Japanese movie 'Ringu', but I can prove this to be very false. In the movie, there is a videotape that if you watch, you will die within seven days. This is wrong for a few reasons. First of all, the tape kills you within 5 minutes, and it was not some whacky tape where a girl with long hair climbs out of a well and crawls through the TV set. If I showed you a videotape of Syracuse on offense, you would immediately die of laughter. I assure you, Syracuse is not playing teams like Lycoming. No, they ARE still 1-A, and they ARE still in the Big East. Most people in sports either slim down or add muscle in the offseason. Syracuse quarterback Perry Patterson gained about 60 pounds while on a Snickers and Pepsi diet. Nice job. And nice job to Greg Robinson, who immediately turned the Cuse around. He turned them from a 6 win team to a 1 win team. Good job, man!
The Cuse defense takes a breather on the sidelines against whoever beat them this week.
3. Syracuse Defense
- If someone told me this was the same defense that produced Dwight Freeney, I'd kick them in the crotch and run away crying.
Not good, buddy.
4. North Texas Defense
- The UNT defense has more holes in it than Uday Hussein's dead body. I guarantee you my 60 year old Uncle Ron would dominate the UNT defensive line and run for 400 yards and 6 TD's. His wife Jenny would throw for 11 TD's on this defense. This defense couldn't stop Louisiana Monroe next week if they made Steven Jyles play with his arms handcuffed behind his back. Three words that describe the UNT defense are woeful, teary-eyed, and WOEFUL.
Be afraid,
5. Kent State
- When universities are created, they adopt a mascot that is a reflection of how they want the university athletic teams to play, or the mascot reflects something from the history of the area where the school is located. Kent State, instead of adopting a mascot like the "Bears" or the "Wolves", adopted a hummingbird. Hummingbirds are notorious for flapping their wings real fast and for being little and dumb. So, when you set yourself up as a hummingbird, a loss to a team like Buffalo, who may or may not have ever won a game, does not really make many people's heads turn. Things are sometimes inevitable. Nice job.
A close "Dishonorable Mention" to this list is Tulane. Here's my official Tulane end-of-season report:
TULANE: F+
- A category 5 hurricane destroyed their city, destroyed their campus, killed their families, ruined their lives forever, and still the only thing that can stop Tulane is every defense in the world.
Great job, teams!!!
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fleaflicker
- Official BleacherCoach
- Posts: 1947
- Joined: March 13th, 2004, 12:32 am
Worst teams.....
North Texas- 2 wins against the Sun Belt and none against anybody else a horrible team does make....
Syracuse- Looks to finish a winless Big East campaign with one win on the SEASON against Buffalo
Buffalo- Still one of the worst teams in I-A
Kent State- Probably the worst team in I-A
Rice- would have to play Kent State to determine who is worse.
New Mexico State- Make that a three team play in. Hal Mumme's 3 and out offense has worked out to ten losses.
Duke- Thank God basketball season is here!!!!
Dishonorable mention:
Temple- I can't list them as one of the worst teams because, even though they are 0-10, NOT ONE TEAM on their schedule has less than 5 wins right now, and Arizona State is the ONLY TEAM that doesn't have a winning record right now. In other words, they have had one TOUGH SCHEDULE. But they are still pretty bad.
North Texas- 2 wins against the Sun Belt and none against anybody else a horrible team does make....
Syracuse- Looks to finish a winless Big East campaign with one win on the SEASON against Buffalo
Buffalo- Still one of the worst teams in I-A
Kent State- Probably the worst team in I-A
Rice- would have to play Kent State to determine who is worse.
New Mexico State- Make that a three team play in. Hal Mumme's 3 and out offense has worked out to ten losses.
Duke- Thank God basketball season is here!!!!
Dishonorable mention:
Temple- I can't list them as one of the worst teams because, even though they are 0-10, NOT ONE TEAM on their schedule has less than 5 wins right now, and Arizona State is the ONLY TEAM that doesn't have a winning record right now. In other words, they have had one TOUGH SCHEDULE. But they are still pretty bad.
"To give anything less than the best is to sacrifice the gift." -Steve Prefontaine