Gabrielle Reece is Full of CRAP!!!!
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The Ancient Enemy
- Official BleacherCoach
- Posts: 7549
- Joined: October 30th, 2004, 2:47 pm
Gabrielle Reece is Full of CRAP!!!!
Gabby's Guide to Health & Fitness
Provided by
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How to Be Hot
Posted by Gabrielle Reece
on Tue, Aug 01, 2006, 10:39 am PDT Post a Comment
I've tried esoteric and philosophical ways to get you to eat better and encourage you to do some form of consistent exercise. I give. In this entry, I'm not going to talk about how "healthy it is for you" or "how good it makes you feel." Forget it. You want to look your best, be thin, and have nice skin and hair? Well then, I'm going to list some things that cover the bases. I mean, why mask it in all this heady dialogue? I should just write my blog entries and title them "You wanna look hot?" You all are probably like, "Thank God, just let's get down to it." I will oblige.
Eat Real Food: Avoid fast food and frozen stuff that you microwave. Try your best to eat whole food that doesn't have a long shelf life. Watch your portion sizes: Eat three small meals (don't skip on breakfast) and a couple of healthy snacks. A bagel is not a snack. Try something like a turkey and cheese roll up. Easy. You take the piece of meat and slice of cheese and roll them up together. Voila. Protein and fat. Functional and satisfying.
Drink Water: You want that skin to glow? Skip the flavored drinks and stick to the H2O. Boring? Add a lemon or a splash of your favorite juice. It's just a habit. Sweat 4 days a week minimum (I don't mean by sunbathing either). I'm not going to tell you what kind of exercise to do-I'm just saying sweat 30-45 minutes per day, 4 days a week if you want to have a flat tummy and toned butt. I didn't even mention it giving you clarity or more energy. Just a better butt and tummy.
Keep Stress to a Minimum: Back to the flat tummy. Wanna get those washboard abs? Chill out. Stress contributes to the body holding on to fat. It's not about the quality of your life or healthy living, it's just about giving yourself the best chance possible for being thin, so relax on the reactions.
Do Resistance Training: Twice a week, do some resistance training. This could count as one of your 4 sweat days, but if you want to get that hard hot body, then you have to do some resistance training.
Stretch or Do Yoga: Keep that body pliable. It helps avoid injury, and if that's not motivation enough, the breathing is helpful in staying young looking. Oxygen.
Find Some Happiness, Laugh and Smile Regularly: This is connected to what I wrote about stress. Happiness keeps your thighs thin.
Go to the Restroom Regularly: This is a big deal. A lot of people have issues with this. A good diet and water will help you keep things moving. Going to the bathroom is especially good for flattening the lower ab area. Not to mention (I'm committing the ultimate sacrifice here) it will lower the number on the scale. It's been said that we walk around with 8 to 10 pounds of crap (literally) in our system. Move it on out.
To recap: If you want to look your hottest, then eat well, get moving, stretch it out, calm down, drink enough water, touch your toes, control your portions (but make sure you are getting enough calories), unload the waste, and smile. I guarantee this formula will have you glowing and thin in no time. I mean after all, what other real reason is there to be healthy? I think that was pretty good for my first time. I'm thinking of writing for one of those beauty rags next.
=============================
TAE's weight-loss pointers:
1. Avoid advice on being hot from people who are not attactive, such as Gabrielle Reece.
2. It's like Meatwad said on Aqua Teen: "Its not the calories that kill ya... it's the saturated fat."
3. Listen to all advice from Meatwad.
4. Take as many weight-loss pills as possible an then run 4 miles without stopping. Studies at a very hoity-toity university have concluded that the best way to lose weight is to mix diet pills and combine alcohol as well if possible.
5. Eat a lot of sausage and pepperoni pizza while sitting still for weeks at a time. Also helps to rent entire seasons of TV shows and consume as much beer and cupcakes as possible. This is slow your metabolism to a halt, which is essential to eating yourself to death.
6. Convince yourself you are losing weight while eating potato chips.
7. Avoid protein at all costs. You dont need protein. All you need is chicken skin and milkshakes.
8. Cut fat off of your body. It is clinically proven that your legs weigh a lot. You have two of them. Think of how much weight you will lose if you only have one of them. This will also help your heart, because it will only have to carry around the weight of one leg instead of two.
9. Go to the bathroom as much as possible. Force yourself to have bowel movements at all costs. If you start to see blood you are on the right track.
Provided by
gotogabby.com
How to Be Hot
Posted by Gabrielle Reece
on Tue, Aug 01, 2006, 10:39 am PDT Post a Comment
I've tried esoteric and philosophical ways to get you to eat better and encourage you to do some form of consistent exercise. I give. In this entry, I'm not going to talk about how "healthy it is for you" or "how good it makes you feel." Forget it. You want to look your best, be thin, and have nice skin and hair? Well then, I'm going to list some things that cover the bases. I mean, why mask it in all this heady dialogue? I should just write my blog entries and title them "You wanna look hot?" You all are probably like, "Thank God, just let's get down to it." I will oblige.
Eat Real Food: Avoid fast food and frozen stuff that you microwave. Try your best to eat whole food that doesn't have a long shelf life. Watch your portion sizes: Eat three small meals (don't skip on breakfast) and a couple of healthy snacks. A bagel is not a snack. Try something like a turkey and cheese roll up. Easy. You take the piece of meat and slice of cheese and roll them up together. Voila. Protein and fat. Functional and satisfying.
Drink Water: You want that skin to glow? Skip the flavored drinks and stick to the H2O. Boring? Add a lemon or a splash of your favorite juice. It's just a habit. Sweat 4 days a week minimum (I don't mean by sunbathing either). I'm not going to tell you what kind of exercise to do-I'm just saying sweat 30-45 minutes per day, 4 days a week if you want to have a flat tummy and toned butt. I didn't even mention it giving you clarity or more energy. Just a better butt and tummy.
Keep Stress to a Minimum: Back to the flat tummy. Wanna get those washboard abs? Chill out. Stress contributes to the body holding on to fat. It's not about the quality of your life or healthy living, it's just about giving yourself the best chance possible for being thin, so relax on the reactions.
Do Resistance Training: Twice a week, do some resistance training. This could count as one of your 4 sweat days, but if you want to get that hard hot body, then you have to do some resistance training.
Stretch or Do Yoga: Keep that body pliable. It helps avoid injury, and if that's not motivation enough, the breathing is helpful in staying young looking. Oxygen.
Find Some Happiness, Laugh and Smile Regularly: This is connected to what I wrote about stress. Happiness keeps your thighs thin.
Go to the Restroom Regularly: This is a big deal. A lot of people have issues with this. A good diet and water will help you keep things moving. Going to the bathroom is especially good for flattening the lower ab area. Not to mention (I'm committing the ultimate sacrifice here) it will lower the number on the scale. It's been said that we walk around with 8 to 10 pounds of crap (literally) in our system. Move it on out.
To recap: If you want to look your hottest, then eat well, get moving, stretch it out, calm down, drink enough water, touch your toes, control your portions (but make sure you are getting enough calories), unload the waste, and smile. I guarantee this formula will have you glowing and thin in no time. I mean after all, what other real reason is there to be healthy? I think that was pretty good for my first time. I'm thinking of writing for one of those beauty rags next.
=============================
TAE's weight-loss pointers:
1. Avoid advice on being hot from people who are not attactive, such as Gabrielle Reece.
2. It's like Meatwad said on Aqua Teen: "Its not the calories that kill ya... it's the saturated fat."
3. Listen to all advice from Meatwad.
4. Take as many weight-loss pills as possible an then run 4 miles without stopping. Studies at a very hoity-toity university have concluded that the best way to lose weight is to mix diet pills and combine alcohol as well if possible.
5. Eat a lot of sausage and pepperoni pizza while sitting still for weeks at a time. Also helps to rent entire seasons of TV shows and consume as much beer and cupcakes as possible. This is slow your metabolism to a halt, which is essential to eating yourself to death.
6. Convince yourself you are losing weight while eating potato chips.
7. Avoid protein at all costs. You dont need protein. All you need is chicken skin and milkshakes.
8. Cut fat off of your body. It is clinically proven that your legs weigh a lot. You have two of them. Think of how much weight you will lose if you only have one of them. This will also help your heart, because it will only have to carry around the weight of one leg instead of two.
9. Go to the bathroom as much as possible. Force yourself to have bowel movements at all costs. If you start to see blood you are on the right track.
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