Did Anyone Read Sunday's Funny Pages?

[The Ancient Enemy]

Anyone? Anyone at all? I'm not talking about the comics. I'm talking about the Reader's Forum, in the Tribune Democrat. In case you don't know yet, a great way to start your day with a big laugh is to read the opinions of people who are so passionate that they actually take the time to write a letter to the newspaper. As you can imagine, most of them are laugh-out-loud hilarious. Now, I know I rag on Pitt a lot, and I know I write 90 posts a week about Penn State, but I've never had the ambition to actually send Jeff Long or Curly Curley a handwritten letter about something that concerns me. You better call your momma, cause I'm about to whoop somebody.

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Jimmy in Johnstown writes...

"Minor League Baseball can Make it Here"

I'm not gonna type it all out, but Jimbo theorizes that a baseball franchise can make it in the cesspool known as Johnstown. He uses the example of the Washington Wild Things to support his claim. The Wild Things (another fantastic minor-league sports name) hire Steve Savran to call their games. Okay. Who do you want to call the games in Johnstown? Andy Lasky? Ken Salem? Why don't you call Edgar Snyder and see if he'll do a few broadcasts. The only way I'd go to a minor-league baseball game because of announcer appeal would be if it was Judge O'Kicki. There's two reasons minor-league sports fail in this town: 1, insanely poor marketing and advertising, and 2, if you make 24k in Johnstown, you make twice as much as your neighbor makes. A friend of mine worked for one of the minor-league teams in Johnstown for a little while and was basically calling me and laughing every time he was on a break because of how bad that club was run, and how bad they are at promoting it. You would think that after 97 failed attempts to sell tickets to a below-the-poverty-line fanbase, they would realize that you pretty much have to go door to door nowadays to get peoples attention. And you know what? Regardless, at the end of the day, it is still minor-league hockey. Of the 4 major pro sports in the US, hockey is very-much in 4th place. More people watched the WNBA all-star game than game 2 of the Stanley Cup finals. More people also watches a 50 yr-old rerun of the Andy Griffith Show. Minor-league sports are inherently moneytraps. Jim says that York and Allentown are also examples of well-managed teams. Why would you want to put a team in an area that has a 21,000 person population, multiple failed minor-league attempts, and an average salary of about 20k a year? The only hope this area has of "minor league" sports succeeding, is if UPJ gets a football team and has players from the local schools. At least then kids will go see their friends. Let me tell you something... if your local baseball club wins the league in back to back years, and 95% of the local populace doesn't know about it, it's time to pack up the cats and move to another dump. Which is exactly what happened. Maybe management wasn't so stupid after all.

Francis in Richland writes...

"For Retirees, High Gas Prices Unbearable"

This is what I love: when people start wars in the reader's forum. Frankie went after some dude's column from a week ago, where that guy said the gas prices aren't that bad. Why question is, why do you care so much that you write a column saying "Yeah, gas prices aren't too bad." I'm gonna write in here and have a column called "Sheetz Hotdogs are Okay" and just talk about hotdogs. What in the heck is wrong with people? Ol' Franny is like most elderly dudes in our area, and even our country, and everything he said was spot-on, about how his retirement money dwindles every year more and more. If you can't make it in Johnstown, you really can't get much cheaper, sadly.

Edward in Johnstown writes...

"In City, Why Not Pursue a More Upscale Store"

Well, Eddie, that's because everyone is either on social security because of age, or because they cheat the welfare system. Either way, no one around here has any cash to go to Macy's like you propose. Ed doesn't want any more Wal-Marts. I agree. Wal-Mart makes their money off of cheap labor and by selling cheap trash to white trash. Hey, I'm there as much as everyone else. I can't afford to buy groceries at Giant Eagle. 7 dollars for a frozen pizza, 4-something at Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart; I hope they go bankrupt. But I guess there's a point where the real-world conquers your morals. Go into a Wal-Mart on the day the welfare checks come in. I wrote a college paper on how Thomas Hobbes' "Leviathan" is proven as truth just by walking around and observing people in a Wal-Mart. Those people don't know anything more than Wal-Mart, most of them look like they crawled out of a septic tank. Macy's would close that store in 3 days. No one has any money, Eddie. They're either too old to work, they're too messed up to work, or they don't want to work. There's 90% of Johnstown. As for Target, they don't put stores in downtown areas.

Joseph in Jenners writes...

"US Becoming Nation Dependent on Others"

In a blindly-patriotic and naive tirade, Joseph illustrates how the US industries are moving overseas. He says to look at the labels on your products and see where they are made, rarely here in the US. You know why? Wal-Mart. Did you know that Wal-Mart will call companies and ask how much it would cost to buy X amount of product, only to get an answer, and then say "no, we're going to pay you THIS much instead"? Wal-Mart has basically every company in its grasp, because if you can't get your product in Wal-Mart, you might as well close up your shop. Did you know that Wal-Mart routinely tells businesses to move overseas so production is cheaper, which in turn allows Wal-Mart to buy that product at a cheaper rate? Once again, if you are not on the shelf in a Wal-Mart, what's your alternative? Did you know that Wal-Mart is the number one employer in the US? Go to any Wal-Mart during regular hours and try to comprehend how much money they made at the registers within eye-shot alone. Then multiply that by about 5,000, then multiply that by about another 100,000 for all the stores. Then take into consideration how poorly they treat their employees and how bad the benefits are. For people in Johnstown alone, what's the alternative? It is cheaper to shop at Wal-Mart.

Christy in Johnstown writes...

"Where are the Good Rock 'N' Roll Stations?"

In a short column, she basically says that the music stations here are terrible, and only play 70's and 80's music. Well, Christy, I am afraid we have pretty much come to a point where mainstream rock 'n' roll is too bad to even play it. To be perfectly honest, I would rather listen Deep Purple "Hush" 60 times a day than the latest, successful attempt by Nickelback to ruin mainstream music. I would much rather listen to Tears for Fears than another second of that Buckcherry "Crazy B!tch" song. Don't make the mistake of thinking that there's no good bands anymore... you just need to go out and find them. There's thousands of great rock bands out there who don't get the media support they deserve, mainly because their music is a little different than the norm, and people aren't used to it, and won't like it. Mainstream rock is very plastic and simple because the people who listen to it, I'm sorry to say, are plastic and simple, and use music not as a source of art, but as a way to kill time on their way to Sheetz on their lunch-break. People don't like to think about things. They like to be entertained and they like things that are transparent. I could talk about this all day. But at the end, you probably don't want a station full of today's mainstream rock. Velvet Revolver and Audioslave were huge disappointments for the music industry, and I for one can go without having to hear their garbage ever again. Give me The Grass Roots or The Animals.

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All for now, losers. Send all hate-mail to [email protected]