Dumbest Quotes '04

[southpaw]

Search
Political Humor
The 25 Dumbest Quotes of 2004

Related Resources
• 25 Funniest Quotes of 2004
• Top 10 Bushisms of 2004
• 10 Dumbest Quotes of Campaign 2004
• 10 Dumbest Quotes of 2003
• Today's Quotes
• More Funny Quotes
• 2004 Dot-Comedy Awards


Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

#25: "This is the best election night in history." —Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe, Nov. 2, 2004, just before 8 p.m. EST

#24: "This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex." —CBS Anchor Dan Rather, on election night (Read more Ratherisms)

#23: "As you know, you go to war with the army you have, not the army you might want or wish to have at a later time." —Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, responding to a U.S. soldier serving in Iraq who asked him why troops had to dig through scrap metal to armor vehicles (Read more Rumsfeldisms)

#22: "I heard there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —President George W. Bush, during the second presidential debate (Watch video)

#21: "You've done a nice job decorating the White House." —Pop star Jessica Simpson, upon being introduced to Interior Secretary Gale Norton while touring the White House

#20: "Go ******* yourself." —Vice President Dick Cheney to Sen. Patrick Leahy, during an angry exchange on the Senate floor about profiteering by Halliburton

#19: "I even accept for the sake of argument that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged." —Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, speaking at Harvard

#18: "You forgot Poland." —President Bush to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland's contributions to the Iraq war coalition

#17: "I wish we lived in the day where you could challenge a person to a duel." —Sen. Zell Miller to Chris Matthews, during a heated interview on "Hardball"

#16: "Is he hot? Yeah. Is he hung? Yeah. Is he [she waved her hand to suggest bisexual]? Not unless you can give a better [she mimicked eating a banana] than me." —Court TV's Kimberly Newsom, at a gay rights fundraiser, on her husband, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom

#15: "If I could only go through the ducts and leap out onstage in a cape — that's my dream." —Ralph Nader, on the presidential debates

#14: "You bet we might have." —Sen. John Kerry, asked if he would have gone to war against Saddam Hussein if he refused to disarm

#13: "Gammie, we love you dearly, but you're just not very hip. She thinks 'Sex and the City' is something married people do, but never talk about." —Jenna Bush, speaking at the Republican convention

#12: "All of a sudden, we see riots, we see protests, we see people clashing. The next thing we know, there is injured or there is dead people. We don't want to get to that extent." —California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, on the dangers posed by gay marriage

#11: "I couldn't get a job with CIA today. I am not qualified." —Bush's nominee for CIA director, Rep. Porter Goss (R-FL), in a March 3, 2004 interview that was cut from "Fahrenheit 9/11" (Watch video)

#10: "I wish you'd have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I'm sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn't yet….I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have. I just haven't — you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one." —President George W. Bush, after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made

#9: "Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!" —President George W. Bush, joking about his administration's failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents' Association dinner

#8: "So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind...and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing and I'd just put it on your p---y but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business..." —Fox News Channel's Bill O'Reilly, as quoted in a sexual harassment suit filed against him by a Fox News producer

#7: "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —President George W. Bush (Watch video; Read more Bushisms)

#6: "Wolf, be excited. This is 'Joementum' here in New Hampshire." —Sen. Joseph Lieberman to Wolf Blitzer, on his momentum leading up to the New Hampshire Primary

#5: "I actually did vote for the $87 billion, before I voted against it." —Sen. John Kerry, on voting against a military funding bill for U.S. troops in Iraq

#4: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —President George W. Bush (Watch video)

#3: "Go, balloons. Go, balloons. Go, balloons … What's happening balloons? There's not enough coming down. All balloons! Why the hell is nothing falling? What the ******* are you guys doing up there?" —Democratic Convention producer Don Mischer, overheard on CNN having an apoplectic seizure when the balloons failed to drop from the ceiling of the Fleet Center in Boston

#2: "As I was telling my husb—" —National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice, overheard making a slip of the tongue at a Washington dinner party. Rice, who is unmarried, stopping herself abruptly, before saying, "As I was telling President Bush."

And the award for the Dumbest Quote of 2004:

"Not only are we going to New Hampshire ... we're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and we're going to California and Texas and New York! And we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan. And then we're going to Washington, D.C. to take back the White House, Yeeeeeaaaaaargh!" —Howard Dean's Iowa concession speech (Click here for audio and remixes of the Dean scream)

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

[southpaw]

I thought these were relatively fair and balanced but maybe not in the right order. Kerry's quote for #5 definetly would be #1 in my rankings right ahead of Dean's "Scream Speech".

[count2infinity]

i don't know SP, ya can never beat a good Bushism and number 4 really takes the cake!

[once a runner]

By my count Bush had 7, Kerry had 3. Republicans had 12, Democrats had 9. (And that counts Zell Miller as a Democrat), with 3 unsure or independents. I think Bush's #4 would have been my #1 as well. I thought Kerry's dumbest one was #14.

[LionPride]

My personal favorite is #7. But I think Kerry's #5 is one that defined him for the rest of us.

[count2infinity]

did anyone watch "last laughs of 2004" on comedy central? it was funny, i know you're mostly republican bush lovers but i'll say it anyways...they had Andy Dick (comedian) playing Dubya's speech writter and he says he likes to jumble note cards around and sleep on them...litterally and whatever sticks to his body in the morning he uses (there are a few notecards saying human, fish, and together on him) in the next scene it's actually Bush saying "I'm working for a world where fish and humans can live together" later he said that he likes to interview true americans and find out what they want. so he is interviewing an Indian man that's gathering trash and he says all he wants in america is food on his family. very next scene president Bush is giving a speech "And i know what you all want...you want food on your family!" there was some other stuff but it's hard to explain it...needless to say it was hilarious!