Special Interview with the 2005 Pitt Panthers and Wannstedt

[The Ancient Enemy]

ASSOCIATED PRESS --

With a diasterous performance to end his long and uneventful tenure with the University of Pittsburgh, then head coach Walt Harris left the job he never had the tools to finish in the first place, and he flew out west to take command of a similiar, terrible football program, the Stanford Cardinal. Good luck to Ol' Walt, who will undoubtably fail yet again as a head coach, only this time instead of getting his clock cleaned by teams with as much clout as UCONN, he can now get destroyed by much better programs such as the Arizona Wildcats or the Washington Huskies. Pitt made the transition to new coach Dave Wannstedt (3-78 as head coach), a former Pitt standout (i.e. stood on the sidelines) who has a very lengthy resume of being a complete flop artist. Dave WannSPLAT is the former head coach of the stellar Chicago Bears, and his remembered by always having a very frustrated look on his face. Then he somehow managed to weasel his way into the coaching job in Miami, and is remembered there as a guy who always had a frustrated look on his face but at that time his face was also suntanned. We caught up with Wanny while combing the Towers at Pitt for players. "The University of Pittsburgh has a long history of success. IN MEDICINE. By hiring me, they are ready to keep it that way." Pitt's off-season recruiting was a trainwreck at best, finishing 9th in the conference in recruiting, which is strange because there are only 8 teams. Wannstedt said, "Yeah, who wants to do all that paperwork? I mean, why sit there and talk to these kids, or go visit them, or even waste stamps on sending them letters? It's just a waste, man. I'm here to help the university save money. And we know that academics is much more important than football to all the kids in I-A sports." Wanny was asked if the rumor was true about Pitt shutting down the recruiting department. "Yes, it's true. Wait, we already had one? Hey, I just work here, who knows." Pitt welcomes some new faces to the conference this season, like the Louisville Cardinals, who are beloved by the media despite Bobby Petrino being the shadiest man in college football. Wannstedt initially saw Louisville as a new opponent until he took a different perspective: "I see the Cardinals as a character-building experience for our young men. No one really thinks we can beat them. And why even practice? Who wants to watch all those tapes and think about schemes and matchups and blahhhh. The university has shown that with Harris they were very dedicated to average football. I'm here to keep the ball rolling in that direction. I don't even have time to watch all that crap, ya know? I mean, who really needs practice anyways?" Coach Wannstedt was optimistic at first about his season openers, but then reversed his position. "We're excited to open with the Saints. That gives us a chance to take a mere 21 point loss and build from there. Then we host the Browns and then a conference game against the Jets. If we can hold the Jets to 60 points I'll probably keep my job. Wait a minute... when did all these teams join the Big East? Hey, I just work here." We caught up with quarterback Tyler Palko, who had a commendable season despite having such a horrible supporting cast. We asked Palko about the upcoming games, "I f*ckin' hate Notre Dame. Godd*amnit, I hate f*ckin' West Virginia too. I'm so f*ckin' proud of my offensive line. Yeah, you see that f*ckin' Utah game? I was so f*cked off I almost slit my center's throat in the huddle. I just got out of my full body cast last f*ckin' weekend. Holy f*ck was I banged up! But yeah, I'm real f*ckin' excited about this f*ckin' upcoming season. I might even win the f*ckin' Heisman! Put in a good word for me, okay?" In conclusion, we asked Coach Wannstedt for one statement to sum up his chances of not only winning the Big East but also of winning a national title. "That, my friends, is impossible. We are hopeless."

[flybynight]

good ol' pitt....

[El-Moldo]

As Sgt. Joe Friday used to say, "Just give us the facts ma'am. Just the facts".

[flybynight]

i bet wannested wont even win 1 game

[El-Moldo]

And the chances of you winning a spelling bee are pretty slim.

[flybynight]

four youre infomation, i did prety wel in my forth graid speling be

[WPIAL~Titan]

Facts??????????

HERE ARE SOME FACTS!!!!!!




Facts?? You want FACTS??? Read these links:


PSU produces great NFL players? AHAHAHA!!:

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/w ... ams/1.html

Look at No. 12

http://www.collegefootballnews.com/2005 ... elmets.htm

Look at No. 1

http://www.collegefootballnews.com/2005 ... elmets.htm

Look who’s number 5 as the worse coach in college football! – JoePa

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/w ... bag/1.html


More info for you…If you can stomach it!

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIPS:

TOTAL National Championships:
16 PITT
15 PSU
PSU Source:
http://www.cfbdatawarehouse.com/data/di ... champs.php
PITT SOURCE:
http://www.cfbdatawarehouse.com/data/di ... champs.php

RECOGNIZED National Championships:
6 PITT
2 PSU
PITT Source:
http://www.cfbdatawarehouse.com/data/di ... champs.php
PSU Source:
http://www.cfbdatawarehouse.com/data/di ... champs.php

AP National Championships:
2 PITT: 1937-1976
2 PSU: 1982-1986

College Football Hall Of Fame Top 20 Schools:

1. ND-45-40-5
2. Michigan-29-24-5
3. Yale-28-24-4
4. USC-27-24-3
5. Army-26-22-4

6. Princeton-25-20-5
7. PENN-23-18-5
8. Ohio State-23-18-5
9. PITTSBURGH-22-19-3
10. Navy-21-19-2
10. Tennessee-21-18-3

12. Minnesota-20-15-5
12. Oklahoma-20-15-5
12. Stanford-20-14-6
15. Harvard-19-16-3
16. PENN STATE-18-15-4
16. Alabama-18-15-3

18. Nebraska-18-12-6
19. CAL-17-13-4
20. Cornell-16-12-4

ALL AMERICANS FROM NCAA WEBSITE BACK TO 2001:

CONSENSUS ALL AMERICANS
1. NOTRE DAME- 78
2. YALE- 69
3. HARVARD- 59
4. MICHIGAN- 56
5. USC- 52
6. PRINCETON- 49
7. OHIO STATE- 47
8. OKLAHOMA-46
9. NEBRASKA -43
10. PITTSBURGH-42

UNANIMOUS ALL AMERICANS
1. NOTRE DAME- 25
2. MICHIGAN- 20
3. OHIO STATE- 20
4. USC- 19
5. NEBRASKA- 16
6. ALABAMA- 13
7. TEXAS-12
8. TENNESSEE- 11
9. PITTSBURGH-11
10. MIAMI-10
10. OKLAHOMA-10
12. PENN STATE-9

SOME OTHER GEMS:

http://live.psu.edu/story/7032 (PSU 4th in the nation in alcohol arrests)

http://www.cracksmoker.com/NCAAF/NCAAF%20Penn%20St.htm (List of arrested PSU players 2001-2003)

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/sports/con ... _1031.html (Like father like son - Randy Crowder + Son = Jailbirds)

HERE'S MY FAVORITE---Abot Tom Iwriteamillionhadnwrittenlettersaday Bradley

http://www.pittsburghlive.com:8000/x/.. ... 75171.html



THERE are some FACTS!!!

WT

[flybynight]

titan, face it when someone gets one up on you, you act like a child and just repeat yourself again and again

[ham55]

MY GOD, someone came back and did what titan has been doing for about a week now, and he flips his top. Thank GOD that most SHITT fans that I know are nothing like you and can a few hacks here and there.

Able to dish it out, not able to take it back, amazing how that works.

Keep showing that same page over and over again buddy, by columnist mostly whose opinions weigh about as much as my 3 year old brother's(who I, by the way, already have hating PITT because of moronic people like you). I bet I can find 100 columns of people who think Pitt's program is the bottom of the barrel. Does that mean they're right? No. Get off your **** and stand up like a man and don't act childish when someone does the same thing back at you. Except I bet that if A.E. tried to do this more than once, he'd be more creative and original, not using the same expressions.

[ham55]

original post deleted due to childishness (ironically)