Joe Paterno Ascends Into Heaven.

The Ancient Enemy · October 24th, 2005, 8:56 am

"THE NEXT TIME YOU KILL SOMEBODY YOU'RE GONNA SIT OUT FOR TWO GAMES!!!

This was on ESPN.com just now.

They say records are made to be broken, but that may not always be true.

From Cal Ripken's consecutive games streak to Cy Young's career wins to UCLA basketball's 88 straight victories, there are a few feats in sports history that will probably never be repeated. Add coaching wins in major-college football to that list.

Though the all-time record has yet to be settled between Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno, it seems obvious that these men are in a league of their own. On Saturday, Bowden won his 357th game, and Paterno won his 350th. Those of you who watched the Penn State-Illinois game on ESPN2 most likely saw history, because it is highly unlikely that anyone will ever win 350 games again in Division I-A.

For starters, it's a matter of simple mathematics. Averaging 10 wins per season, it would take 35 years as a head coach to reach 350 wins, but only one coach in major-college history has ever averaged 10 wins for as long as 25 years (Tom Osborne had 255 victories in his 25 seasons at Nebraska). More than likely, it would require closer to 40 years to reach that mark, and nobody gets a head coaching job before the age of 35 these days.

Sure, the regular season will be 12 games from now on, and almost everyone with a winning record goes to a bowl, so any program with a pulse should be playing at least 13 times per season -- as opposed to the 10- and 11-game seasons that were common early in the careers of Bowden and Paterno. But even so, it's just not that easy to average 10 wins.

Bob Stoops is one of the rare coaches to take over a major program at a young age, and his teams averaged 11 wins in 13 games over his first six seasons at Oklahoma. But this year has shown that even the best coaches at the best programs have occasional seasons that will bring down that average.

For argument's sake, though, let's assume Stoops can keep winning at his current pace. If he does, he would reach 350 wins in the 2030 season at the age of 70. Keep in mind that Stoops is already the highest-paid coach in Division I-A, closing in on $3 million per season, so you can only imagine what he'd be making if he's still contending for championships 10 years from now. Could he, or anyone else with that kind of success, resist the opportunity to challenge himself at the next level? And why would anyone keep dealing with the media scrutiny and other coaching headaches until the age of 70 with so much money in the bank?

There's only one logical reason. The record.

And the longer Bowden and Paterno keep going, the less likely it is for anyone to think about catching them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah I get what they're saying. But are they for real with this? Someone is definitely going to break that record. Isn't Urban Meyer younger than I am? Jesus, I swear he's 21 years old by the way he looks. Let's give the kid some time here, folks. Listen: records are made to be broken. When I was your age, we had a kid on our team named Lil' Teddy "Superfeet" O'Henderson. Jesus, I couldn't tell ya how many times Lil' Teddy "Superfeet" O'Henderson broke one around the end. When we played Our Lady of Southern Beaverdale, Lil' Teddy broke the JHBDRNDFL rushing record with 16,964 yards and 247 touchdowns in his last year, his 5th grade season. Then Superfeet had to go off to the mines to feed his immigrant family. Wouldn't you know it that he'd get caught in a cave-in? You should have seen those little super-feet kicking up all over the place while we ate his body so we wouldn't starve in the cave. Then we got back and guess what happened. Go ahead, guess. I'm seriously waiting for you to guess. No, for real, guess. Wouldn't you know it that in the very next season.............................

EDITED BY COACH: Please don't swear man. Those posts are really funny, but try to keep the language under control.

deliverance · Post by **deliverance** » October 24th, 2005, 2:37 pm

The problem is Joe Paterno will never die. They will freeze him before he dies and keep him at Beaver Stadium on the sidelines. Therefore, he'll still get credit for all the PSU victories. He'll leap ahead of Bowden and break every record coaching record possible while frozen.

The Ancient Enemy · October 25th, 2005, 3:13 am

You can't put a harness on art, dude.

duece2 · Post by **duece2** » October 25th, 2005, 4:24 am

joepa is and will always be the peen state icon
he will beat bowdens overall record
because i realy don't see bowden going as long as paterno
namely because i think joepa will die on that field at the age of about 104

lol

duece2

abpk2903 · Post by **abpk2903** » October 25th, 2005, 8:39 am

Joe Pa is down 8 I think it is but at picking up two a year (which may be a stretch) and not having any years that he loses on Bowden it will still take 5 years to pass him. The only way Joe Pa catches Bowden is if he coaches a year longer than him or if he can count Jay Paterno wins toward Joe's tally.

old school · Post by **old school** » October 25th, 2005, 10:49 am

I agree with deliverance....Joe will never die. Did anyone take a look at the new movie coming out this spring...Weekend at Beaver Stadium. Staring Andrew McCarthy, Jonathan Silverman and Joe Paterno

Post by **foghorn** » October 25th, 2005, 11:23 am

According to JoePa, he already is in heaven.

ham55 · Post by **ham55** » October 25th, 2005, 12:31 pm

who let oldschool out of the basement?

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